A Different Kind of Meeting
by Swa-Sa Masou
Summary: If Tamlin was more like the guy we all thought he was in ACOTAR. Meeting of the High Lords. Instead of all of the arguing in front of everyone, Feyre and Tamlin have a more private discussion about their past and pain. Starts with text from the book and continues the theme, so it's rated for language and implications. Still Feysand.


_A/N: I still have a soft spot for Tamlin. I know, that's terrible. Red flags everywhere. I wish he was who we all thought he was in ACOTAR. A little redemption while still having Feyre with Rhys. As if he really is the guy we thought he was, just not her mate. Set during the meeting of the High Lords in ACOWAR._

He smiled smugly at Rhys, _"Have you noticed the little noise she makes right before she climaxes?"_

I felt my cheeks heat, but I kept my voice calm and my face passive as I quipped back, "He wouldn't have any idea what you're talking about, it's only a noise I had to make while faking it." Rhys gave my knee a quick, almost imperceptible squeeze as I heard laughter echo down the bond.

Tamlin scoffed. "You two really are made for each other. Fucking me for what? Jewels and a place at my court until a better offer came along? And now that it has, you're warming his bed to be his High Lady." Rhys' eyes flamed for just a moment, but he fought down the anger and replaced the look of calm. I was sure that my own face was not as impassive, nor would be the ones of my companions. He turned toward Rhys, "Better be careful, if Hybern starts winning this war, she'll be spreading her legs for him next."

I had opened my mouth to retort that _he_ was the only one in bed with Hybern when Thesan cut across my words, "This lovers' spat has gone on long enough, either take it elsewhere or let it go. We have other matters to discuss." His voice, though strong, did not hold the authority I was used to hearing from my High Lord or from Tamlin when he would bark orders.

Beron, looking quite like Thesan had just hopped up on stage interrupting a very entertaining program, drawled from his seat, "Come now, Thesan, we're talking of going to war, we might as well have some entertainment beforehand."

I scowled at his words and felt a calming stroke down the bond. I stood, gracefully sweeping the skirt out of the way of the reflecting pool. Everyone around our circle looked at me questioningly, including Rhysand. _I know what I'm doing, it's all right_ "Well?" I looked to Tamlin, whose confusion only deepened. "He said to take it elsewhere and as this meeting clearly isn't going anywhere productive until we hash out our issues, I suggest we take him up on that." I nodded to Thesan, "Is there a room we can use?"

He nodded and gestured to one of his servants to show us the way.

Nodding away his confusion, Tamlin slipped a grin onto his face. He stood and as he was walking around the circle toward Rhys and me, he lowered his voice, "Seems like she wants a little alone time with me, maybe the years with _her_ left you rusty in how you please someone who's not a 700-year-old hag." He strode past, toward the waiting servant.

I felt rage simmer down the bond. Not at me, never at me.

_Do you know what you're doing? Do you want me to join you?_

I slid a hand across the back of his neck as I stepped around our chairs. _I can handle myself, Rhys. It will be fine. Be productive while I keep your biggest barrier to meaningful decisions occupied with an argument. Maybe he'll let some of the anger go and actually help us._ I spoke to him silently as I walked toward Tamlin and the lesser fae who was to guide us.

* * *

The servant showed us to a room down a long hall past the archway and opened the door. It was far enough that the others wouldn't hear us, but close enough that if one- or both of us- started shouting, it would be detected. I thanked her with a polite smile and shut the door behind us. Tamlin walked to the center of the room and turned toward me. I crossed my arms, "What is your problem?"

His eyes raged, but he kept his distance, "My problem? This coming from the scheming bitch who left me, twice, stole my best friend and most trusted emissary the second time, spat on everything I did for her, and left my court vulnerable to Hybern and his forces?"

I dropped my arms and looked at the floor. I would not show weakness to him. I was not the same female he'd known once upon a time, nor was I playing the female who wanted to be his dutiful wife like last time, I did, however, feel genuine shame at what I had left the people of Spring open to. It wasn't their fault. I should have thought longer term than just my revenge on Tamlin. Looking up, voice soft, I spoke, "I am forever grateful for what you did for my family. And, believe it or not, I am sorry for what I did to the people of Spring Court. They didn't deserve that. I was so focused on bringing you down that I didn't even stop to think of what would happen if Hybern got angry and your forces weren't responding to you."

Making a dismissive noise and walking toward me, he didn't stop until we were almost toe-to-toe, he was looking down at me and I lifted my chin defiantly. He kept his arms at his side- a wise move, really, as if he touched me, I would singe his skin. "And Rhysand's anger toward me, your time with him, that was all it took for you to turn you back on everything we had and decide that I'm the enemy. That I'm the threat that needs to be destroyed?"

I took a step back, better to see him, and poked him in the chest. "You made that pretty clear yourself when you allied with Hybern and forced my sisters to become High Fae. Until that point, no, I didn't look at you as an enemy at all. Just as someone I had no interest in seeing again."

He turned his back on me and went over to the desk. He looked as though he was trying to rein in his emotions. Which was a step up, as I had seen too many times in the past where he made no effort at that at all. "Tell me," He whirled back to look at me, hands braced behind him against the desk, "did you start sleeping with him on what was supposed to be our wedding night? For how long were you screwing both of us, Feyre?!"

I sighed and walked calmly over to him. "Tamlin, you know that didn't happen."

"Do I?"

I gently placed a hand over his, waiting for his anger to push me away again. He closed his eyes as if unwilling to look at me. "You should. You're hurt. And you're angry because you're hurting. But if we're going to have a discussion that gets to the bottom of anything, you have to stop throwing accusations at me and listen."

Eyes still closed, breathing heavy, I watched and waited for him to decide how to respond, "So now you want me to listen?" Eyes full of sorrow greeted me. I hadn't been expecting that. "I waited for you to talk to me for months. Those first few weeks when we got…" his voice broke and he cleared his throat, "home, you had those nightmares each night. The first few nights, I tried to hold you as you woke up, tried to calm you down and you just ran for the bathing room each night. You wanted nothing to do with me. I sat on the other side of the door, listening to you sob. I wanted to come in to you so badly. The shadows curling under and around the door didn't let me in."

Tamlin had tried to comfort me? I had conjured shadows? "I had no idea." I said softly. I hopped up on the edge of the desk and waited for him to continue.

He smiled sadly, "of course you didn't. I know you don't know what you said or didn't say out loud during your nightmares, but the way you said _her_ name and mine together, I knew some part of you blamed me for everything that happened to you. But I couldn't get you to talk to me about it. I even tried being in my beast form a few nights when you came back to bed, hoping that if you couldn't see my face, it might be easier to talk."

Standing up straight, his eyes hardened again, "But no, none of it mattered. You refused to talk to me, to let me in, and as soon as you had a chance to run away from me, you leapt at it. It didn't matter what I gave you, what I offered you, what I _wanted_ to give you once Spring Court was stabilized. You came back that first time after being with Rhysand and all I could think about was never wanting to lose you again. I had lost so much Under the Mountain. I was reliving the horrors I saw every day at her side in my own head and I could see it reflected in you. So, can you blame me if your protection was the first thought in my mind?"

I was quiet on my perch for a moment. He had wanted to help me. I shook my head. "Wanting to help me at night doesn't excuse what you did each day. I woke up each morning, or more accurately laid in bed staring at the ceiling until I could force myself to get up, barely ate, begged you to train the magic I have coursing through me that was painful and confusing," I had to remember to keep my voice steady. It had been rising. My shields were up because I didn't want to distract Rhys, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't come charging in here if he heard me sounding so upset. The tears, though, reliving how I felt those days at Spring, I couldn't stop them. "and you did nothing. You saw me losing weight, you saw me getting paler, losing all spark and joy from my eyes. _I_ noticed the difference in myself from one Night Court visit to the next, so surely you did too. And yet you were content to watch me waste away if it meant that you got to keep your little pet. All you wanted from me, Tamlin, was for me to wear the pretty little dresses, the fancy jewelry, sit next to you and pop out heirs!" I had dried the tears and my throat felt raw."

Running his hands through his long, bright hair, he looked frustrated. "If that's really what you think, Feyre, then you really didn't know me at all." He approached me and gripped my upper arms, harsh, but not hard enough to be painful. I looked up at him, a warning in my eyes. "I loved you. I needed to get Spring Court back on its feet and for that, appearances mattered. What did you think we were telling you each time that I sided with Ianthe about tradition? Each time that Lucien told you I needed everyone to fall in line for the first few months? It was crucial for a time for all of us to pretend. I _told_ you it was about appearances for the time-being." He released me and took a few steps back. "I have everything you said you wanted in a wedding ceremony that you and Ianthe fought about so that I could give you a real one later. Lucien had cleared a space not far from the pond we swam in so he and I could train you away from prying eyes. I watched you defeat the wyrm. I know you don't need me there each moment to protect you. But we needed to pretend until everything fell back into line. I wanted to give you everything. I just couldn't do it yet, so you left me." His eyes were full of accusation and pain.

Accusation that, for the first time, I considered I might have deserved some of.

My breathing was shallow. I shut my eyes tight against the rising tears. His voice got gentle again, "And before you tell me that you were safe, that you even told me you had left on purpose, the last I knew, you were refusing my lessons on reading and writing. So when I received a note, supposedly from you, what was I supposed to think?"

I gasped and threw out a hand to steady myself. Of course he had thought it was a trick by Rhys. I hadn't even considered that. I felt low. I had left him hurting, had abandoned him to his pain that I had barely even noticed because I had been so consumed with my own. Stepping down, I shuffled toward him. Placing a hand gently on his shoulder, I gauged his reaction. Since he didn't pull away, I put my other arm up as well and pulled him to me. "I'm sorry. There's a lot we didn't realize and didn't talk about. Which is just another reason we weren't good for each other and why it's a good thing we didn't get married." I pulled back and saw tears swimming in his eyes. I sniffled my own back. Framing his face in my hands, I whispered, "I'm sorry," once more.

Gently encircling my wrists with his hands and drawing them down from his face, he cleared his throat, "I'm sorry too. He's your mate, Feyre. I hate seeing you with him. I hate that I lost you to him. I hate that I wasn't enough for you. But…" He scrubbed his hands down his face, "he's your mate. And if it's not a trick. If it's not him in your mind, then that's all there is to it." He reached forward and tucked a strand of hair back behind the crown. "You look beautiful," he said with a small smile.

He turned around and headed toward the door. "Hey, Tamlin?" He paused, hand on the doorhandle and turned to look at me. "I was lying earlier." I paused and he looked confused, "out there." I gestured toward the meeting chamber with a flick of my head, "I never had to fake it with you."

He chuckled and his face split into a genuine smile for the first time that day. "We've got a war to plan, come on." He held the door open for me and I lowered my shields.

I felt comfort and questioning echo down the bond as Rhys quickly recapped what had happened since we'd left the room. I resumed my seat next to him and laced my fingers with his.

Bringing his hand to my lips for a quick peck, he asked me, _everything go okay?_

_It was good_, I said back, looking at Tamlin as he took his own seat, _for both of us._


End file.
